This CD is For Kevin

by marlon.

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about

Long ago, in December 2012 there was a guy named Keven who leaned in closely and spoke the words "My birthday is coming up... do you know what I want?"
I stepped back and looked cautiously at him
"I want a Marlon CD" he said.

Today, A year and two months later, on his birthday the CD is complete as a collection of stupid songs about death and love. In some cases both at the same time.

Dedicated to my favorite neckbeard.

credits

released February 22, 2014

All writing(except Holy Grail) and performances done by Marlon Barnes Jr. and recorded on his Thinkpad in Audacity.

Holy Grail was written by Jay-Z, The Dream, and Justin Timberlake

Special thanks to anyone who develops free software, my guitar Janis for always being there even when I couldn't play her, God and my parents for making me and making me feel like I should make things, Whoever invented paper, Ryan Wolanski and anyone else who offered to record me who I never got back to, Kory Adams who's helping me record my next one, Cody Wolfe for the How to Build a Flying Saucer prompt, Matt Barabasch for the "Franny's Gotta Dance" idea, Fran Galeazzi for being the reason anything good exists in the world, Laura Hemmenway, Raymy Krumrei, and Dan Bern for teaching me how to write and encouraging me to continue, Michelle Navarette for giving me a place to play pretty much being my first and biggest supporter. What is this, an Oscar speech? thanks Russia, for being crazy, Mike Mondok, the Nickbots, friends, anyone who talks to me
and of course, Kevin Chenoweth for being a good friend and giving me a realistic deadline.
also, sorry.

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about

Admiral Joseph Cappuccino Lancaster, California

A goof making music under the name of a fictional semi-immortal self-proclaimed pirate who will possibly never get a concept album written about him.

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Track Name: That Kind of Day
I've got a feeling
that I might die today.
Think I might lay in bed stay
under the covers until it all goes away.

Every last step,
feels like a mine field.
Every last breath I take
I feel is slowly poisoning me

in my sleep
where ghastly fingers
reach from the street
at my feet
to pull me down, down into the darkness.

Trying my best
to stat optimistic
But it feels like the earth has shifted,
twisted, fixed to split into three.

The sun in the sky
turns air to fire,
raining it down my back
as I gaze at the cold, rising sea.

Foaming
and writhing to catch
me in its teeth
wholly
and swallow me down into the darkness

It's that kind of day

It's okay to go outside;
everything will be alright
pay no attention to the trees whose leaves are

covered with eyes

Entropy will have us all
So there is no need to cry
the thing about living is nobody ever makes it

out alive

There's something about
the tune of the songbirds
and whistling wind that bends
these dim demonic hymns and tritones.

In shadows I see
the same hooded figures.
In secret they meet
to watch me close while drawing
circles on stones

and they drone
a moan that seeks
to fracture your soul
and your bones
and lead you down, down into the darkness

It's that kind of day

It's that kind of day
where everything don't feel right
and the wind cuts your skin
like a rusty knife
and you're thinkin of goin and givin the livin a rest
know that you gave it your best
but all of your efforts ain't stopping the heart being ripped from your chest
that kind of day.
Track Name: MY DICK IS FRIKKIN HUGE, SON!
v1
HAVE YO U SEEN MY TRUCK??
36 inch tires
lifted up higher
I got wiener like Oscar Mayer

Truck balls on the back
hot chicks on my mud flaps
No Fear decal,
HOW YOU LIKE THAT??

Spray on some Axe and scope the club out for chickses
when they see me they blow kisses
'cause they know my truck's the sickness.

Chorus:
HOW YOU LIKE MY TRUCK?
chromed out wheels
turbo diesel
tires out peel
makin chicks squeal

HOW YOU LIKE MY TRUCK?

ridin' heavy
off-road ready
but no dirt gets on my Chevy

HOW YOU LIKE MY TRUCK?
(insert band) blastin
Blunt passin
Pure Mackin
Everlastin'

Haters talkin smack
in the McDonald's kitchen
"Why you need all that truck?"
To fit all my dick in!

v2
Neon shocks make my ride pop and lock
Imma doctor your muffin,
true-to-life truckin
watch my door unlock with the push of a button
Got that from my cousin, real street stuntin

GURL stop frontin' you know you want my nut sack
ain't you seen this back bed? Ain't you seen my BIKE RACK?
and on the interior I got a SPICE RACK
Here, I cooked this burger on my engine GO HEAD, BITE THAT!

Light's so bright that they blind a nig!
Horn goes HONK; belt goes CLICK
Ladies go "YO THAT RIDE IS SICK"!
just wait 'til you see my dick.

hey trick!

:chorus:

bridge:
Three and a half inches of pounding force
it makes the angels sing
Shines with the purest of light
my rod of pleasure astounds without measure
whether or not you're ready you need some luck
It's the bomb (says so on my truck)

v3
Slide to chronic tacos GET MY SNACK ON
Choked out a couple haters cause they act wrong
Talk to my bro 'bout how we love that Nickelback song
gives me the hook up about a kick-back and I'm GONE. . . .

Pull up to the party
rockin Ed Hardy
chick playin hard to get
actin like a smarty
then we take a couple of shots of that Bacardi
gettin kind of flirty
gettin kind of naughty
head to the back room for a bit
go to the leather couch and sit
She takes a real good look at my dick and she leaves. . .
'Cuz she couldn't handle it.

:chorus:
Track Name: My Baby Has a Mustache
Verse 1:

I've got a girl, got a girl so beautiful
How'd I ever get a catch like that, who'll know
She shouts novels but speaks in brevities
She's like a porn star from the seventies​
she hates beer 'cause she just drinks scotch
when she's near me time just stops
the passers by gotta look and watch
they want a piece of what we've got
if you're trying hard to make love grow
you might find, it's waiting right under your nose

Chorus:

Oh, my baby has a mustache
she's lovely in her way
I tremble when her kisses brush my face
I need her lovin every day
my baby has a mustache
I don't care what you say
I hope she'll never ever shave

Verse 2:​

​She's so proper, distinguished
she's got this Groucho Marx thing so cute if you've seen it
How to describe her, that's simple
she's like Audrey Hepburn meets Burt Reynolds
she's the sweetest thing since ice met cream
​since night met dreams
and all other nice things
the angels sing when they hear her name,
her eyes are lightning, her smile has bangs

Chorus:​

Oh, my baby has a mustache
she's lovely in her way
I tremble when her kisses brush my face
I need her lovin every day
my baby has a mustache
I don't care what you say

Bridge:

Razors make me hurl
and wax is only to curl
she's the most beautiful girl in the world

Verse 3:​

she's like a cat with the whiskers to match
she's got soul but she don't have a soul patch X4
I thank God for giving her the gift of a little caterpillar on the top of her lip

Chorus:​

Oh, my baby has a mustache
she's lovely in her way
I tremble when her kisses brush my face
I need her lovin every day
my baby has a mustache
I don't care what you say
I hope she never ever shaves.

Maybe one day we'll start a circus baby, I've got the clown feet, you'll be my bearded lady

​Oh, my baby has a mustache.
Track Name: Happy Birthday, Fun Guy
I love people more than cakes and pies and lemon squares
I love people more than bluegrass bands and teddybears
I love all people for being people and that's a fact
but I love Kevin Chenoweth more than that

If Kevin was a flower I would water him all day
I would kill a bear for Kevin and I know it's a cliche
but I owned the planet I would only give the world away to my friend Kevbo
if kevin were words, I'd always know what to say


It's his birthday
so bring out the cakes and candles

It's his birthday
we'll buy more drinks than he can hadle
everybody have a toast to celibrate his birth
cause he's the greatest ever living breathing person
on the earth


If Kevin was a violin I would learn how to play
If Kevin was in prison I would push the warden out my way
to be with Kevin all my life and in jail I would stay locked up with Kevin
and even if we never got out, I'd be okay


If Kev's niggas were in paris I'd be right there going cray
If Kevinwas a blood then I'd throw all by blues away
if Kevin was a grapefruit I'd put it in the microwave AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO IT
in candle light while singing marvin gaye

I've been really tryin , baby
Tryin to hold back these feelings for so long
And if you feel, like I feel baby
Come on, oh come on,

Let's celebrate his birthday
bring out the cakes and candles

It's Kev's birthday
buy more drinks than he can hadle
everybody have a toast to celibrate his birth
cause he's the greatest ever living frikkin person
on the earth
Track Name: We're Back: A Dinosaur Story
I am a carnivore
I am a dinosaur
I am the great big unabashed tyrant lizard lord

hotter than an ember
there's no other contender
amphibians must bow down
mammalians surrender

Neither borrower or lender
I'm the alpha chordata
rule the planet with an iron claw
eat you with an iron jaw
every inch of the world is my spa
this is my cretaceous empire
my every word is law

You're ranked somewhere beneath my snot
and the truth be told I cannot be stopped
I own every mountain, every fern, rock
every river, every valley
from the grass to the tree tops--



what's that in the sky?
it's beautiful
sweet orb of light
it's beautiful
I know not from whence it came but it's obvious it's aim is to engulf all it touches into flames

Suddenly I awake to see
All I do is just beg and I plea
let me die inside your warmth destroy me through and through
dissolve me until all that's left of me is you

let our love create a cloud so big that it blocks out the sun,
oh, let me be a part of your sweet extinction.




all I wanted to do
was eat, sleep, reproduce
live another moment
'til the moment that I saw you
now it seems all I'm feeling is
anything beyond this point would be meaningless

You're all I ever need
you're all I've ever seen that matters
all else is faded and tattered
you're hevenly and holy, take and own me
vision our world's destiny, show me.

I need you mostly,
hold me closely
can't help but feel this is the way the end's supposed to be
in from the ocean
out with an explosion
the whole world changes with one swift fluid motion

let me fall into your love
your swift destruction
raise the sea level
crack the crust and
forever scar the earth, destroy me through and through
be scattered into mist is all I wanna do

split the sky that lies behind you
crush me until all that's left of me is rocket fuel
so that I may be propelled into the sky
and be ever closer to the origins of you

no more pain, I just hear squeals of laughter
standing her sixty-five million years after
My cataclysmic fate, didn't notice the wait
between the ice age, clean slates and carbon dates

Out of the deep dark depths of nowhere
all of these bipedal mammals are gathered to
admire me, revere me, fear me, cheer me,
hear me, clearly hold me dearly

Fossil powered wheels, billion dollar movie deals
TV shows, tee shirts, textiles and play bills
museums in my name sake, just like cheese cake
back on top of the world again like day break

the all mighty titan, best of Michael Crichton
about to grab this universe, take a bite, and
​chew it and spit it back, hang it on a rack
​inform the leopluradon the king is back



let me fall into your love
your sweet destruction
crack the crust
and make volcanoes erupt​
until I'm dead inside your arms, destroy me through and through
evaporate to mist is all I wanna do

split the heavens that lie behind you​ and​
burn me until all that's left of me is molecules
so that I may covalently bond with electrons
orbiting the nucleus of you

what's that in the sky?
it's beautiful
sweet orb of light
it's beautiful
I know not from whence it came but it's obvious it's aim is to engulf all it touches into flames

Finally I awake to see
in this moment all I do is beg and I plea
let me die inside your warmth destroy me through and through
dissolve me until all that's left of me is you

let our love create a cloud so big that it blocks out the sun,
oh, let me be a part of your sweet

I​n my eyes everything's already dead and gone
oh, let me be a part of your sweet

This dry and withered Earth just needs to be renewed
scatter all your colors and into it imbue
captivate my soul and make it forever new
consume me until all that proves of me is you
Track Name: Holy Grail (interlude)
You'd take the clothes off my back and I'd let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth and I'd watch you eat it
I still don’t know why, why our love is so much,
You curse my name, in spite to put me to shame
Hang my laundry in the streets, dirty or clean, give it up for fame
But I still don't know why, why I love it so much

And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail
Track Name: Olga
The Moscow winter's getting colder
and the nights are growing long
dreaming of being in the arms of a lover
as I am closing up my lonely hair salon

Somebody's bursting through the doorway
a pistol shaking in a hand
demands to open my cash register drawer up
the heaving body of a wild eyed desperate man

and so I

Chorus

Knock him to the floor and tie him
tight with my hairdrier cord
I tell him sit up straight and take his medicine
I make him take it
break him,
I take him then I thank him
and make sure he will never pull a stunt like this again

Verse 2

I say "It's time you should be punished
you can scream until your face turns blue
to come in here and rob my place of employment,
I think it's better if I take something from you"

1000 roubles for his troubles
our escapades would las three nights
go on and struggle my sweet little Zaychik
Olga likes it better when a man puts up a fight

Chorus

Bridge
I tell him
Olga will never let you leave
she'll buy you brand new jeans
she'll hold your head and tell you every
thing will be alright
she'll keep you warm at night
now do what Olga
says if you value your sorry life

Chorus
Track Name: When Love
when love grabs you by the balls
it's squeezing you tight
when love's pulling on the strings

you are a
sad sorry sack of submission
and kissin of shopping and chickflicks
and cuddling

then you play your lame board games
and give yourselves pet names
sentimental and sappy and sickening, well

I'd rather be alone than gross

so I won't have nothing to do with love

when love's flying through your lungs like pieces of glass
when love's burning very hot

you dance and you leap
and go singing in the streets
then love chokes you til you stop

In tears you callapse
you really thought it would last
you invested so much
and you spent so much cash, huh.


I'd rather be alone than broke
so I won't have nothing to do with love

people act like it's the only thing that life's about
when it effects no one but you
with all the effort spent in dating games and match.com
there's so much else that you can do

Love's not climbing to the highest mountain
Love's not becoming a king
Love's not a triumphant battle cry
or inventing the ebola vaccine


but you say it's no lie
when there's someone by your side
on the day that you die
you fly off to paradise

I'd rather be an awesome ghost

so I won't have nothing to do with love
Track Name: Judgment Day
everything's shut down
the power and trade
you got your new system
the dawning of a brand new age
we've taken to looting
I just play my songs
half a hundred brilliant scientists and looks like they all were wrong ​

cause the whole thing malfunctioned
within three bloody weeks
The press asked for a statement
but no one could speak
and we're all on the street

nuclear missiles launched for Russia
you can't stop them they're all gone
nothing left to do but wait for the retaliating bomb
grab your glasses
raise them high
kiss your loved ones
and say your last goodbyes​

cause the robots are coming.

You read all the novels
you saw all the films
and scoffed at our worries
but none of it was ever real
until you invented
the cause of over a billion deaths
I'd grab you and shake show you your mistakes
but I'm not sure there's any of you left

Sold our species to the software
for a medal and a song
nothing left to do but wait for the retaliating bomb
grab your glasses
raise them high
kiss your loved ones
and say your last goodbyes

cause the robots are coming

With their glowing red eyes
and their big bulky figures
Did they think we couldn't see them for their rubbery disguise​

But still they catch us
and they harvest our flesh
even seeing the angel on his way
we can't escape his steely death

the robots are coming
and you can't get away
​from judgment day​
Track Name: How to Build a Flying Saucer
Now first you get yourself a nice ceramic plate
hold it in your hand and kinda feel the weight
then you haul right off and chuck it into space
and that's how to build a flying saucer

next you go and get a bunch of Christmas lights
wrap em round yourself and tie em up real tight
then try to eat a quarter stick of dynamite
and that's how to build a flying saucer

Oh woe is me
Oh me oh my
if you've seen what I've seen
flying in the sky
you might think it's over
and you're gonna die
but not if you have a flying saucer
Just do what I say
and not what I do
and I promise you space will be good to you
and right down the road
when the day is through
we'll both have a sweet flying saucer

Next thing you do is grab a bunch of metal things
melt 'em all together in the shape of rings
ad a bunch of jet engine propellerings
and that's how you build a flying saucer

Next thing coming up right here's the tricky part
grab yourself a goat, cut out it's little heart
make a blood red circle and turn on the dark
and that's how to build a flying saucer

Oh woe is me
Oh me oh my
if you've seen what I've seen
lighting up the sky
you might think it's over
and you're gonna die
but to you I am making this offer
Just do what I say
and not what I do
and I promise you space will be good to you
and right down the road
when the day is through
we'll both have a sweet flying saucer

Our work is done as the sun goes down
Ah, we'll be in the history books now
The next thing you do, is press this button, child

Oh happy day
Oh me oh my
you just fell for my plan
I'm such a clever guy
You fools screwed the pooch now you're all gonna die
at the hands of my new flying saucer
My death ray is armed
and your sobs are like beautiful
songs from the lark at the crack of dawn
now goodbye cruel world you all soon will be gone
as I'm off in my sweet flying saucer

Flying saucer

Oh woe is me
Oh me oh my
if you've seen what I've seen
lighting up the sky
you might think it's over
and you're gonna die
but to you I am making this offer
Just do what I'm saying
and not what I do
and I promise you I'll be so good to you
and right down the road
when the day is through
we'll both have a sweet flying saucer

Flying Saucer